The Bohemian Heretic

Two-timing Bitch

2011-09-13T18:16:00.000-07:00

So. Philip just told me he doesn't want to see me anymore. He said there are no bad feelings, but I feel like that is impossible. He broke it off with me because I slept with Abhi. They are friends, but i have never hung out with the 2 of them together. I guess that makes me a two-timing bitch. We had an open relationship, and Philip knew I was seeing other people. I wasn't sleeping with him or anything but we had good times together. I am mostly sad because I lost a friend. It is so hard to keep people in my life here sometimes because I want everyone to be so close to me, since I don't have family or close friends here and if I do, they are very sparse. It is kind of sad. I broke things off with Abhi last week but we are still friends. I can just imagine what that lot says about me behind my back. I suppose I deserve it. I have been a bit of a slut. I mean, I like having friends with benefits. Its hard to know where to draw the line sometimes. Obviously if things were going anywhere with Phil, I would not feel the urge to sleep with other people, so maybe this is for the best. But part of me wishes I never got that close with him in the first place, so that he wouldn't be hurt. Luckily I still have Frankie, who I actually am really into. She is the reason why I stopped sleeping with Abhi. I met a new guy this weekend in New Plymouth, Matt. Well see where this one goes. I only have a month left...how much more damage can I do? I am just awful at the dating game. I think I need to cool off for a while.

Rugby World Cup!

2011-09-12T15:49:00.000-07:00

This weekend was great. I went down to New Plymouth with Kim for the rugby world cup game USA vs. Ireland. We knew USA was going to lose, but we had an amazing time anyway! Kim doesn't drive so I got to, which I kind of like here.
The drive down there was nice, we stopped in Raglan and hit up the beach and got some lunch. We picked up a hitch hiker who needed to get to the beach in Raglan. I have never done that before. Some German dude. It felt cool picking up a hitch hiker haha.
Then we had a bit of a sing along with Queen and Disney songs, since we didn't get any radio stations at one point. We finally got to New Plymouth and I was faced with my first couch surfing experience. HOLY SHIT-there was no couch..we got this gorgeous guest bedroom in this beautiful house on the water. The guy we stayed with supplied us with food and towels and he had a sauna and a hot tub. I was so spoiled...any couch surfing experience I have in the future cannot compare to this!
On Sunday morning, Kim and I went to a 911 church service with the USA rugby team. It was so cool to see those hotties up close. Later on we went to the game, face painted and all. I shouted and drank my ass off. USA lost, but we had an awesome time. The atmosphere was fantastic.
We met a group of guys from Galway, and a couple of guys from NZ and partied with them. It was a great dat/night. We headed home yesterday, giving Kim's Irish flatties a ride back to Auckland, stopping at an organic brewery on the way. All in all a great weekend. It was so nice to get out of Auckland for a bit.
This week or next will probably be my last week of work. I am excited because that means I will be traveling a bit soon!
October 14 I am headed to the south island for a Stray tour then I come back up to Auckland on the 25th (or something) for about a week and then I head to Melbourne Nov 2nd - 8th, and then on the 10th I go to Vancouver until the 14th! Then home! I am so very lucky my life is so eventful. However, for the next month I will be hanging out here...tying up loose ends and hanging out with some of the amazing people I met here. My time in Auckland is almost up. Its been a good run, but I am ready to get the hell out of here!

Cheers mateys!

Changes.

2011-09-04T22:04:00.000-07:00

Things have been going well. Work is good...but a bit boring, however I get plenty of free time. Yoga has been helping me keep my balance, however I have been binging on the weekends. Even though I have things to do here sometimes...I am bored. The highlights of many of my days are hanging my laundry on the line or doing stoned yoga. I am looking forward to coming home, but have been meeting a bunch of cool new people to hang out with. I am continuing to grow and learn more culturally than ever before, that's for sure. However, my day-to-day seems a bit slower. I suppose anywhere compared to NY would seem slower. I think I could really use a pep in my step and a full agenda...just for a little while...

Gym dancing.

2011-08-26T01:47:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been getting really into Zumba. My biggest gripe at my gym is when, in certain songs, there is "freestyle" or "dance with a partner" time and I am always so sweaty and gross and don't want to touch anyone else's sweat. Today someone near me AND the instructor came up to dance with me, and I had to dance with them. I felt bad for them that I was all drippy..oh well. Haha.

Identity Crisis.

2011-04-28T21:13:00.000-07:00

Ok. So i have been recently asking myself "What am I doing here?" Don't get me wrong. I have gotten more than i could ever ask for; a stable income, the opportunity to grow in the area that I want to, a great flat, some great friends...but I just had a meeting with one of my potential advisers who asked me why I want to study what I want to study and I had a hard time answering. I guess I never really thought about it. DTCA have always gotten me riled up because they play a personal role in my life, but there is something deeper that I haven't quite figured out. Everything seems so black and white - big pharma=bad, doctors=good. He asked me if maybe I would be better off studying my topic in pharmacy or media studies. I feel as if my whole adult life I have strived toward being a sociologist. It has always been the one thing I am sure that I will want to do forever. Lately, I have felt inadequate and out of place. I feel as if I am trying so hard to collect, interpret and digest data, just to have my topic changed to find more information to collect and interpret, to just go back to the first stuff I had originally thought I would use. Its like waking up and trying on 10 outfits before realizing not even the first one was alright. On top of all this, I need a creative outlet. I don't feel much like myself. I am buying a guitar next week/maybe tomorrow. that should help. I am starting to think that if I study media, I am better off doing it in the good ol' USA, or at least canada. Part of me wants to change my topic entirely. Or maybe I need to take some time off from applying for a PhD and teach at Briarcliffe and Dowling. At least I know I can do those things and I felt like I was growing a lot as a teacher there. I just feel like I want to study something else, maybe. Maybe this whole DTC thing should just be dropped and I should come up with something less interesting to soak my brain in. Maybe this is just a whole learning process. Maybe i should just accept defeat and move on. I really just don't know anymore.

Hopeless?

2011-04-11T15:35:00.000-07:00

I have been so bored lately. Work is not going as fast as I would like and I feel like much of my work is becoming redundant. I really like it here, but I am questioning staying. It would be nice to not have to sell my car. I think I found a new appreciation for home, but I am not quite sure it is where I would like to live. I really would like to go away for my doctorate. I am just not so sure here or now are the time and place. I keep having to rewrite my proposal. It is so frustrating thinking about starting again at square one. I am beginning to lose hope. I know it will be difficult to come back here after my trip home in June/July. I am starting to wonder if maybe my time here is almost up. I just feel like getting a doctorate is the next step. I want it so bad, but lately I have been questioning myself a lot. Maybe I am not ready for it. Maybe I should just teach for a few more years or maybe I should just do what I am doing here somewhere else, get more experience and then reapply to schools in the states. I feel lazy and I don't believe its all my fault. Ugh. I just want this feeling to go away.

somuchtodosomuchtodo

2011-03-13T23:44:00.000-07:00

I am headed for the busiest week of my life. I move on Thursday. I am going to see MGMT Thursday night and I go to Welly Fri- Sun.

My lecture kinda sucked today. I am not so happy about that. Next weeks hasto be kick ass but i don't have nearly enough time to learn all the things I am supposed to know already. this is really scary and frustrating. I wish I could have someone else teach next week's class for me. Crap. I am pretty sure the cat is out of the bag as of today and that my students know I don't know as much about the topic as i should. Gah. Well...they can't expect me to be some genius, even though that would be ideal. I have never taught this class before OR 200 people. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. Definitely.

Let me sleep some more.

2011-03-03T19:15:00.001-08:00

I have been having really weird dreams lately, but what else is new. I just had a really intense Tony moment and I felt an urge to write him a letter.

Dear Tony,

I can't say that I miss you because I can't picture you in my life anymore, since you have been gone for so long. I see similar qualities of yours in other people and find them autamatically endearing. I miss the safety I felt in your bedroom and the candid conversations we used to have. I miss that closeness you feel when you're with someone who has been friends though what you think of as the toughest years of your life. I think you would be proud of me. You probably didn't see my life as turning out like this. I wonder what you would be doing if you were alive. I hope you would still create art, perhaps get into graphic design or marketing. I just listened to dream to make believe and imagined I was in your bed with lauren and alex. I used to feel so safe then. Not that I don't feel safe now, its just...so different, who I am now. Then, I needed other people to make me feel safe. I think I have found safety within myself now. I have a lot more faith in me. It isn't good or bad, its just...different, I suppose. I really wish we could have continued growing up together. Perhaps in another life we can be close like we used to be. You were like a little ball of laughter and sass that made even the most awkward situations feel like home. I miss your spunky style, the way you were always reinventing yourself and your creativity. You were friends with so many people of so many different genres. I think we had that in common. I know that I am like you were in many ways and I am thankful that you influenced my life (minus giving me my first cigarette). I wish we could stay up all night and drive around listening to music. I would wish for that if I ever met a genie. You have forever made a mark on my heart. Thank you for being my guardian angel. I love you forever.

Nicole

Who am I?

2011-03-02T12:14:00.000-08:00

I used to play this game a lot at home, where you take an index card or a small piece of paper and write the name of some famous or familiar person or character on it and stick it to someone elses forehead. You do this in a group and everyone has to ask yes or no questions in a circle, until they get a 'no'. You win by guessing your person/character first. Lately, I have been wondering who I am. It is so hard to see yourself through the eyes of another. So why am I so obsessed with always trying to?

Cooley's "looking glass self" is a psychological method where we try to see ourselves as others in our current social setting see us. We then act according to what they think of us. This is how I believe I have lived much of my life. This is a terrible way to attempt to learn about yourself, if you ask me. I really need to stop trying to live up to other people's standards of me. I know that at the end of the day I am alone, and at the end of life, we all die alone. This is a solitary journey where the meanings in my life are what I make them. I am not saying this in a depressing way, just a realistic one.

I mean, you can have your family and close friends who actually know you, but all the acquaintances you meet along the way are mostly tools. Tools to help you realize things about yourself, tools to teach you about the world, tools to help you appreciate what you have. You can be a tool for them to help them learn about themselves as well. I hope that I am a good tool.

RJ helped me realize something last night. He played therapist and made me realize that I need talk therapy more than I know. I just want to be liked. I can't let go of Cooley's looking glass self. I want people to think I am smart and witty, but I don't think I am smart or witty. I want people to think I am stylish, but I don't think I am stylish (sometimes). I want people to think they can tell me anything and be open with me, but I know I am not the most trustworthy person. I have a lot of conflicting ideas about myself and what I want others to see in me. I am a contradiction. I am still trying to figure out why this is. I cover it all up really well.

"Look at me, oh look at me, is this the way I've always been?"

2011-03-02T11:55:00.000-08:00

It has been a really eventful week, I suppose. Monday I lectured my first class at Uni. I felt like I totally choked and forgot all my big girl words. It was like a nightmare. I am sure it didn't go as bad as I thought it did, but at the time, I had the worst dry mouth, was sweaty as hell and fidgeting like no other. I realize that I didn't prep as much as I should have. I spent all my free time playing Cityville on facebook and watching romantic comedies. This is not the way to prepare for a lecture in front of almost 200 people.

Sometimes I need a kick in the ass or for something really embarrassing to happen in order to make a change in my life. Monday night after class, I ran into Louise on the street and made her come get a happy hour drink with me. I needed to forget how horrible i thought it went. All of the reflecting that I was doing was exacerbated by drinking, and my medications made me want to drink more. Finally, after about 4 glasses of wine and 2 bottles of bubbly, I spewed all over Jamses' bed and floor.

I had remembered in February thinking about taking a 2 week break from alcohol. This seemed like the right time to do it. So, Starting on the first of March (Tuesday) I decided to give up drinking for 2 weeks. This is a challenge. I don't think I have gone without a drink for 2 weeks since I was 20. I realize that I depend on it a lot to forget about things that I worry about, but I think in reality it perpetuates my worries because I worry that I need a drink all the time and drinks cost money which I don't have. Yeah, my life may be slightly less eventful for a little while, but at least I will remember what is going on. I do remember, back before I became dependent on alcohol, that things meant a lot more.

I am actually hoping that this 2 weeks teaches me something, that I don't need to drink as much as I thought I did, and that I don't have to drink at every social event, and that I can be fun and social without alcohol.

If I don't drink as much, then eventually I think I will give up smoking, since the time when I am most inclined to smoke is when I am drinking. I think this will be a turning point in my life. I need to see things clearer, to know where I am going. Because I know where I am going is great, and I don't want to miss my exit and get lost in the haze.

GAH! I am so angry right now! I need to move.

2011-02-14T18:41:00.001-08:00

Ok. So. I got back from Leigh, a lovely weekend with Kyle, we went horseback riding on the beach, nude swimming in the ocean, snorkeling, wine tasting and ate really yummy food; and I get this text from my flatmate Olive. It says "Hey nicole did you by any chance drink some beers that were in the fridge? mine seem to have ended up empty on the lawn"

I was offended that she asked me. I had been gone all weekend and I have my own beers in the fridge, thank you very much. I txted back and forth with her a few times today and everything seems to be OK. She is pissed that one of the guys lied to her about it. I feel like the second anything goes wrong here, I get the finger pointed at me because everyone i live with has known each other so long. I would never do something like that. I think its becoming a case of me Vs. them and I want to move out. Anyway, I took my meds this morning, and sometimes they give me the D. I must have gone to the bathroom 3x this morning before i left for work. I came home from work to find a note on the bathroom door saying "DEAR PERSON WHO LIKES TO LEAVE SKIDS + SHARDS OF SHIT IN THE TOILET ALL THE TIME. PLEASE CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF-THAT'D BE REALLY NEAT." I think I fucked up this morning and didn't flush twice, usually I am really good about it though. Sometimes I go in there and its messy and its not mine. But I have a feeling that this morning it was my fault. I will be more careful about it. But it was a really nasty note, I felt the hostility.

Needless to say, I want to move out sooner than planned. I just don't really feel any sort of connection to anyone I live with. I hate feeling like a hermit, holed up in my room. I hate feeling like an outsider in my own home. I want out. I feel bad that I will be screwing over John and the rest of the people I live with, but I just don't think I can live here for much longer. I don't hate anyone, I just hate that this house doesn't feel like a home. I want a family dammit. I don't have one here and I have never lived with people that I wanted to be a family with. It sucks.

PMS. WAH!

2011-02-08T00:21:00.001-08:00

Ugh. I have been so moody this past week. The last time I went to yoga I cried almost the entire time. I've been known to get a little teary eyed after back bends, but this was intense and I couldn't stop it. I have been a bit worried this past week that I got pregnant of something because its been really intense, and my boobs are huge all the sudden. It turns out i'm due. Typical. I hope I get it soon though, cause or else ill start to worry fo rills.

A few things that have been pissing me off lately...

1) Kyle is leaving me.
2) I am homesick.
3) I lack freedom because i don't have a car/ i have to walk everywhere.
4) I thought I made rad new friends from Sponge bar, and the one whose number I have isn't returning my text. I have no idea why.
5) I want more money-I want to take an art class, buy a new bag, buy sneakers, buy work clothes.
6) I am bloated and I feel fat and my stomach hurts.

WAHHHH

OH and something else. I hate it when I go to yoga and I put my stuff down and then some idiot puts their stuff directly in front of me so i can't see the mirror. That's fucked.

All good things must come to an end.

2011-02-03T23:54:00.000-08:00

So I told Kyle I loved him 2 days ago. Then I proceeded to cry like a baby during sex because he is leaving so soon. I think I just feel too much. I submitted my PhD proposal today. I am 99.9% sure I will get in. I can't spend the next 4+ years of my life hurting because the person I love lives far far away. Yes, I did think he was my soulmate. But with ends come new beginnings. I would like to catch up with him years from now and see where he is at. But we are both embarking on long term educations and I am pretty sure people change a lot during these. We had a lot of great times together and he really got me better than most people. I still love him as a person, I just have to force myself not to be in love with him.

I am starting to feel good about this ::takes another swig of green ginger wine:: I am just worried this relationship fits in with my trends of relationships...you know, how I fall for someone and the second that I can admit to myself that I love them,I break it off. Oh well. These relationships didn't work out for a reason I guess and they have helped me to get a better idea of what I do what. At least I leave with no baggage.

Let go of the old and embrace the new.

2011-02-01T21:21:00.001-08:00

I had to say goodbye to one of my best friends of the last 5 months yesterday. I guess I have to focus on out of sight out of mind. I have a full life, I just wish it were filled with more meaningful connections. I am getting by. I miss home. Some days are better than others. I am baking cookies tonight and Kyle is coming over. I am going to try to drag him to a drag show haha. I got to talk to Carrie and Boppy on Skype today. That made me super happy/miss them more.

Obladi obla da, life goes on.

Bikram Yoga, Pizza and Beer=The Cure

2011-01-28T01:31:00.000-08:00

I have been pretty on edge all day. I always get into this mode where I know I have a lot on my plate and feel like I have to get everything done at once. I think New Zealand is helping me learn to relax a little. I think it was worse at home. I forget how primitive some people are here. I mean, its not like we're so advanced, its just that things move a lot faster.

I went to work, started writing up my lecture notes for the first day of class. It is actually quite interesting material. It shouldn't be a problem to get excited about and produce stimulating lectures.

Its been raining pretty much all day. After i left work, I walked to Bikram yoga where I focused on my breath more than usual. It was a really great class, more therapeutic than usual. Maybe it was just cause I really needed it.

After yoga it was pouring more than before, so I walked across the street to this organic pizza place. I got a pizza and a couple of beers and talked to the 2 guys working there. I forget how friendly I am. I worry about not having any friends, but I think what I am mostly worried about is that all the friends ive made here are pale in comparison to my relationship with Kyle. I mean, Ludi and Lisa are both really important to me, we have a history, I met them both the first week I was here, so naturally I will miss them a lot when they go. However, I think my friend freak-out is more due to losing Kyle.

On my way home, I was thinking about how kiwis are kind of primitive. Its strange, I've been thinking a lot lately about my flat mates. They are all really friendly, but I don't consider myself friends with any of them. Everyone kind of does their own thing. Aside from a couple of rides into town from Nick, no one has really gone out of their way to get to know me or take any steps toward being my friend. I talk to them whenever we are in the same room, I am usually in a good mood and make dumb jokes. I just don't get it. I mean, yeah they all know each other from college, so I get that I am the new girl who doesn't fit in, but no one has asked me any questions about my life or even what kind of music i listen to. I know more about the people i worked with at the restaurant for 2 months. Its really quite strange. I really like this neighborhood and how tidy my flatmates are, but quite frankly, I am bored here. I want a family/group of friends, or at least people to stay up with a drink beers with once in a while on a week night.

You can't have it all.

2011-01-27T13:40:00.001-08:00

Where to begin. So much has happened in the last 5 months. I love New Zealand. My career is really taking off here. Of course I have had my moments when I was scared about money, friends, drinking too much, the American stereotype, missing home, missing family and friends, finding a place to live, and pretty much everything you can worry about. This is the biggest step I have ever taken in my life, so of course there is a lot of hurting, scariness and of course growing.

I have committed at least 3 years to living here. This will be a good step for my maturity, depth of meaning in my life, understanding of the value of money, understanding of the value of friends and family, etc.

This country is a beautiful place. People are friendly and I think since the country is so small, there is more of a sense of brotherhood. However, I am finding that even though people are friendly, it doesn't mean that they want to be my friend. I suppose you could say the same for a lot of cultures, so this is not the fault of NZ.

I have made 3 really good friends since I have been here. I have made several other friends, but none of which I call on when I am having a bad day. The hard part is that all 3 of my friends are transplants. Holland, France and Canada. This month I will be losing 2/3 of those people. One of which is my boyfriend.

Oh yeah, I finally want to tell someone significant that I've fallen in love with them and they're leaving in 4 weeks. Awesome timing. I never thought that I would meet someone who gets me, respects me, is intelligent and makes me laugh and who I find so attractive inside and out. I am so pissed that our relationship doesn't have more time to grow here. Of course, there is the possibility of a long distance relationship (which I swore I would never have). But I don't want to put stress on him and myself to keep in touch while we are both leading our busy lives thousands of miles apart. I have enough pen pals at the moment. I just feel like part of it will be, out of sight, out of mind" and we will slowly forget how incredible we are for each other.

I love him. I haven't said it yet. I am kinda waiting for him to say it, since I am afraid it will hurt too much if he doesn't say it back. That, and I want it to be said at the right moment because this is the first time I think I will truly mean it in the way they talk about it in the movies. Right now, at this moment, I can see sharing my life with him. I want to do so many things with him, simply cause my life is better lived with him than without him. He likes me for qualities that I want to be liked for and when I am having a bad day, just being near him lifts my mood exponentially. It's just so effortless being with him, and yet I think he makes me a better person without even trying. Fuck.

Hopefully my busy career/education will keep me busy enough so that I won't have time for loneliness. Get this, I just got a job teaching criminology to over 150 people starting the end of February. I have never taken a criminology course before, but I taught Soc of crime and deviance. I haven't read any of the course work yet, but I think it will be fine. I love getting up and performing in front of people, so I am sure I will make it work and they will love me. It will be nice to finally have somewhat of an income. Along with that, I am working on a research assistantship in the pharmacy department about the awareness and opinions of direct to consumer genetic testing in NZ. It is a pretty rad project which will get me published, so that's pretty neat. Oh, and of course, I am applying for my PhD here. Hopefully by next week I will have my application submitted. I am pretty sure the Soc department is pretty gung-ho to have me here, so that will be cool. I want to do it on consumer controlled medication due to Direct to consumer advertisement of pharmaceuticals and the vast amounts of medical information on the web. I wanna look at the discourse of diagnosis and ultimately the shift of doctor-patient relations. I hope they like my idea, if not, I hope they accept me anyway, cause PhD ideas are always changing anyway.

Woah this is becoming longer than anticipated. But, I feel a little better. Perhaps I should get on with writing in here more regularly.

Cheers!

New Chapter

2010-09-01T08:09:00.000-07:00

I leave today for New Zealand. I have a year visa which terminates next July. I am SUPER excited. I will miss my friends and family a lot, but being there and exploring a new life is something I must do now. Life is a journey, not a destination.

I'll update again when I'm down under! :)

A Lot Can Happen in Two Months.

2010-04-02T05:43:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I realized sometimes its good to get things out on here. I just don't want to feel obligated to do it.

So, I have a girlfriend. All my close friends keep telling me I am jumping into a relationship too fast. I agree. I have only known her a month and a half. I feel like there is so much more I want to know about her before I am committed. Especially since the summer is coming and I am going to Europe for a month. Ugh. What am I doing? I really really like her. But part of me is a little unsettled.

I got a new car. I love it. But I shouldn't have put so much money down. I keep trying to get a second part time job, but its so hard right now. No one is hiring. I apply for jobs every day and still no one will hire me. I am worried that I will be in Europe and run out of cash.

I have an interview to be a tutor on Wednesday in the city. I hope it goes well.I haven't been to the city in a while. Maybe that's been dampening my mood too.

I think I need to go back on antidepressants. I feel that I am constantly worrying about things that are somewhat out of my control. I should be enjoying my freedom, not condemning it.

I didn't get into any doctoral programs. I feel that I had this path laid out, and now I am lost without a yellow brick road. I don't know what I am doing and its time for me to be an adult.

I think I am going to go live and work in New Zealand for a semester next year. The more traveling I do, the more valuable I am as a sociologist because I will have racked up more information about different cultures.

Anyway, I know this post was directionless. I just didn't know how to begin.

What Happened?

2010-01-19T21:41:00.000-08:00

Don't get me wrong. I love my life and all. But what happened to all the passion? I miss the feeling of falling for someone. Even though I feel somewhat impassioned by my life course, I feel like I need someone to complete the trend. I miss looking forward to seeing that 'someone' all day. I miss feeling giddy and childish, giggling for no reason and being able to touch and be touched. I hate feeling like a sterile alien, feeling guilty for attracting and being attracted. I hate that I am sandwitched between satisfied beings, rubbing in my face that they have this element that I am so apparently missing.

"Someday my prince will come". Yeah right. Someday ill have a litter of cats to soothe the pain of loneliness. FML.

New Beginnings!

2009-12-24T07:50:00.000-08:00

Things have been much better lately. I actually LOVE teaching and have found it to be really rewarding. I just posted grades last night. I got my schedule for next semester and it kind of sucks because I will have to work during my Paper Tiger meetings and I have to wake up at 6:30 twice a week.

I have been getting a bit of seasonal depression, but I leave for St. Martin in 2 days and then I am going to Miami with some friends in January.

Winters are too long in NY. I keep telling myself that I am going to move to California for school. I applied to 4 schools there, but I have a feeling I will wind up going to Steinhardt at NYU instead. It is the perfect program for me, I just wish it were located on the west coast.

OH! I am so excited. I made prospective travel plans for the summer. I will be visiting my friend Elsa in France for a couple of weeks and then I am going to meet up with my friend Melissa and probably go to Berlin and maybe Amsterdam. Then in August, I am going to go back to Taiwan, and hopefully Thailand/Bangkok or Hong Kong.

I hope that 2010 will be better than 2009. As for my reflecting on the good times of 2009. I have a few positive notes to make.
-Graduating Columbia
-Going to Taiwan
-Starting Teaching
-Applying to schools
-Writing Music

Freaking Out.

2009-11-21T17:54:00.000-08:00

OK. So i have been having a really stressful few weeks. I feel like conflicts have been coming up more than enough and I miss the carefree, funny me. I feel like I am all work and no play. I really enjoy teaching sometimes, but a lot of the times I just feel inadequate. I have never questioned that this is what I want to do. I realize that I need to put a lot more time into it in order to make it perfect. It's just that I am such a perfectionist, and it hurts me when things don't happen as planned. I try and i try. The other day, I got made a fool of in front of my peers and superiors and it was video taped. I don't even know what to say. I have a lot of classroom management to learn and I know I have to change who I am to become who I want to be. But honestly, I don't know if I am ready to give up being fun and having a good time. I miss being a student. I know that I am still a student, because I keep learning new things from people and places in my life, I just miss knowing that I am good at something.
I am so lonely that it hurts. I mean, I have amazing friends and family, but I feel like something is missing and I know I don't have time for it right now, so its like I am forced to deny it.
I had the most terrible dream last night. A huge metallic ball that looked like Grimace (from McDonalds) came down from the sky and landed in Manhattan/Brooklyn area. It opened up and out crawled military men and tanks, and there was a Huge (cherry-picker-like) giraffe (like the guy from Toys R' Us) machine gun thing, that made a horrible sound. There were all these other types of demolition type machine/motor vehicles. Everyone was shooting and forcing people to eat McDonalds. My friends and I didn't want to eat McDonalds, so we had to run. They even blew up the Statue of Liberty! There was this one point where they were making a speech and the statue of liberty's hand kept going up and down, almost like it was playing a joke on us. Then it fell and the roaring war continued. Me and my bff in the dream went to visit the demolished statue of liberty and it felt dangerous. For most of the dream, I was just trying to escape all the gun shots/explosions.
It all felt so real. I felt SO angry and disgusted and I went back to long island in my dream, I actually went to Syosset to see if my family was still there, and everyone had died. So I came back to the city, to find it to be a fighting zone.
My friends and I kept returning to this diner/bar to find refuge. It was still dangerous, because the military men kept doing raids every so often. I remember going into the diner/bar in my dream and talking to Elton from clueless in a photobooth. I thought he was on our side, but at one point, in the photo booth in my dream, he turned on me and started shooting. I ran up the stairs and up more and more stairs and finally found myself cowering in the corner of the attic. In my dream, I remember feeling like Ann Frank and relating all this to the Holocaust.
Yeah. I probably sound psycho, but this really freaked me out. I awoke in a panic and spent the day questioning everything.
Also, some random person, I don't know who it is keeps iming me and threatening and harassing me. That has been adding to my stress, amongst a slough of other things.

The 9 of Pentacles.

2009-11-02T20:56:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is my first day of teaching, so I decided to do my tarot. It was weird. My deck was very well shuffled and I managed to get the pope, popess, emperor and empress all in one shot. That is really, really, really rare. Especially since they are right next to each other in a deck that is in order (which mine werent). Anyway, the strangest and most meaningful part of my reading was the 5th card that I laid out, which was the 9 of disks or pentacles. That symbolized something that I will sill be confronted with. This is what one of my books read...

Your presence in the world makes a difference. You have brought something into the world that enriches it. Therefore, don't hide your light and your beauty! Be generous and show the people around you the kind of treasures you have to give and remember that you yourself are a treasure.
If you want people to notice your inner treasures you must express them in both the large and small things in life. First, however, you will discover that some habits exist without any thought on your part, and some of these are not to your liking. You must, therefore, take charge of your own life and give it form and your personal stamp. This work is similar to the hard work that has to be accomplished in the vineyards. But the result of your troubles is like a superior wine In wine there is truth, and you must make your own truth fruitful.

The Haunted Pod Village of San-Zhi

2009-11-01T08:59:00.000-08:00

This is really cool. I wanna go here next time I am in Taiwan.
http://www.jpgmag.com/stories/4622

Halloween

2009-10-30T15:59:00.000-07:00

I have been protesting Halloween a lot this year. This is partly due to the fact that I dressed up as something 3 times in the past month ( a pirate, minnie mouse, and a hippie). I feel like I have been pretending not to be myself too much and am losing myself in the process. I know its a lame excuse. I am going to a Halloween party tonight and was originally going to go as a Marilyn Monroe Vampire, then just a Vampire. I will be neither of these things. Yesterday, I went to Brooklyn to paint over the rainbow doorways (san, I know) and I inherited an afro wig and an electric guitar. I was going to be Jimi Hendrix, but then I started getting dressed and realized I don't have any facial hair (silly, i know). So it kind of looks like I am going as my old roomate Kristen. It's cool. I feel good. I just really, really want to stay home tomorrow. I am such a crotchety old woman when it comes to Halloween. Everyone I know (and their mothers) are going t othe city/bk tomorrrow. I just want to stay home and sleep or something. Ugh sometimes I drive myself crazy. I am pretty sure I will wind up going out, but it will be a last minute thing. I wish I could just make up my mind before hand so i wouldn't have to deal with this unnerving bullshit!!! Anyway, here is what I look like with an afro.

The Dear Hunter

2009-10-30T15:56:00.000-07:00

I went to see The Dear Hunter with Jodette and Sara on Wednesday night. I must say that I haven't been to such a great show in a while. They were awesome. They are one of my favorite bands at the moment. I mean, the song/story writing is just brilliant. I talked to Casey (the musical genius behind it all) after the show. I felt like I was 16 all over again. I even bought a hoodie! (I know what a lame-o, but I had fun).

Bad Dream

2009-10-29T09:18:00.001-07:00

I just had a bad dream about teaching again. It is really coming down to the wire, and I know that no matter how much preparation i do, I will never be fully prepared for what is going to happen on Tuesday. I had the worst dream last night that all my students kept standing up and disrespecting me, and I kept having to tell them to shut their mouths. At a certain point, I went to go notify the authorities, and at another I threw a shoe at one of my students cause he hit me first. My powerpoint slides got lost and I was speechless. It was a really scary dream. The epitome of everything I don't want to happen on the first day of class. Well, no matter what, nothing could be as bad as my dream...I suppose that's the bright side.

Maybe (my mantra)

2009-10-29T09:17:00.000-07:00

Nico Anders Lives for the Summer

2009-10-21T23:44:00.001-07:00

I think if you have a positive outlook in life, everything seems to happen for a reason. I met two wonderful people today when I missed my train. Its strange how similar people seem to connect when in the same mindset. I feel like the world network really is strong and if you seem to believe the world makes sense, it makes sense.

On my train ride home tonight, I started watching videos from Taiwan. I realize that I live for the summer. Don't get me wrong, I love the profession that I have chosen, but what I love more is the opportunity it gives me to travel and make sense of travel. I love to be able o assign deeper meaning to the things I enjoy most. One of the most gratifying things to me is going somewhere that was once foreign and trying to understand the construction of social norms. I know, I am a total dork. Anyway, from viewing and reviewing my videos from Taiwan, I realized something. That time and place was great, amazing, incredible...however, it was only temporary and was only supposed to last for that long. If I went back there today, it would not feel the same, but would almost feel like a corpse of what once was. I would have too high expectations and would undoubtedly be disappointed. If you travel to distant lands, you never know what to expect, therefore you cannot be disappointed, because there is a void in your foresight. This is why travel is so great. This is why I live for the summer.

Professor Andersen

2009-10-21T07:23:00.000-07:00

I just love it when people call me that. I went to a final meeting before teaching yesterday and now I have to make my syllabi and start prepping for the first day of class. I am so very excited. I should probably watch The Freedom Writers once more, before I begin. I just know that I am too idealistic. I am going to want everyone to love the class and have fun in it, but I know that most of my students are going to be aching to get out of the classroom. I have to maintain my current mantra and expect less. That seems to work, keeping my expectations low and then always being pleasantly surprised.

Sleepyhead.

2009-10-20T11:41:00.000-07:00

I have become slightly obsessed with this song.

I am going this summer!!!

2009-10-18T17:01:00.000-07:00

Healthcare Crisis!

2009-10-08T15:53:00.001-07:00

Ugh today I woke up with a pretty bad hang over in Brooklyn and a 10am suggested phone call time to talk to Nathalia about my applications. She laughed about the paper a wrote yesterday for about 10 minutes. That didn't feel too good, but in my defense, I didn't know what I was doing.

After that I had a dermatologist appointment at 5:15. I got lost for about 45 minutes on my way there. All the google maps sites were confusing the streets, so I couldn't be right no matter what. Then I finally get to the doctor and she is in the room for about 60 seconds to diagnose me and then leaves her medical assistant to write the prescription. I felt completely slighted. This was a fine demonstration of how the use of separate doctors visits suck, and we should all just go to a family physician for everything. America's doctors are becoming hyper-specialized and turned into machines without compassion or the ability to give quality care! I am sitting in my psychs office waiting to get my meds. I wonder how late she will be tonight.

Tarot

2009-10-07T07:45:00.000-07:00

So I have been stressin' over switching from vacation, clear-headed Nico to work-oriented, stressed-out Nico. I have remained calm on the inside, but I have noticed that my interactions have shifted, in a way. I did my Tarot cards last night. I don't know how much I believe that Tarot works for everyone, I just find it to be a good way to channel my energy and produce something positive. It gives me a chance to focus and interpret and hopefully make positive changes. Last night, I did a really good reading. It described where I am, where I am headed, what is difficult for me, what i understand and what my ultimate goal. is. The first card I drew, symbolizing my past, was 'Death'. This is actually not meant to represent death in the morbid sense, but a death which leads to a new beginning. In my case, it symbolized the end of my summer, and the beginning of my heightened awareness of my self, and of course the birth of my new work schedule. This card also implies a heightened consciousness, because in ancient tarot beliefs, death was a new start into a more spiritual life. The second card, symbolizing where I am headed was the Queen of Swords. This card symbolizes a heightened awareness of situations occurring around the individual. It may represent solitude and loneliness, but only as a result of a renewed consciousness. I have noticed that things do not affect me like they once have. Like I float above and perceive happenings as temporal and quotidian, only lasting a short time and not concerning me. These two cards really helped me to see where I am headed and to accept these changes as a part of my intellectual and wanderlust-prone life.

American Idol

2009-10-04T09:15:00.001-07:00

This is how my version of No one should have sounded like. Ugh. I love him.

RIP Jamie Barden

2009-10-02T07:44:00.000-07:00

I just found out last night that my friend Jamie fell asleep Monday night and didn't wake up Tuesday morning. He always said he would never make it to 30. I am really glad that he came to NY before he passed. I feel really bad for his best friend/girlfriend Trish. I think they were going to get married.

Since I am in Florida and broke, there is no way I could go to Ireland for the wake/funeral. I went to Epcot and drank a Guinness for him between the English pub and the Irish food stand. When I was about to leave Ireland after our wonderful 2 weeks together, Jay and I realized that I hadn't had one Guinness. So he said "I suppose we should have a guinness to send you off the right way". So I had a guinness to send him off. RIP. You will be missed.

Change of Plans

2009-09-29T21:41:00.001-07:00

Dear Beloved Blog Followers,

I have had this blog for approximately 1 year and have recently found my journalistic writing style to be more of an obligation than a joy. I started this journal in an attempt to document my whereabouts, and to prove to myself that I could commit to something. I am not ending it all together, however I will be greatly reducing the amount of posts I produce. I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause. Stay posted for random new posts from things I think are cool...or a new blog entirely focused on something not so personal.

The Bohemian Heretic,

Rogue

The Lost Week.

2009-09-26T05:08:00.000-07:00

Due to jetlag and a busy schedule, I have decided that I am/was too tired to blog for an entire week. I apologize for the inconvenience. I was taking a vacation from life, a vacation from blogging was well needed.

I am about to leave for Florida with Boppy, Derek and Patti. I am pretty freakin excited, but mostly tired. Pictures and events soon to follow.

Taroko Gorge!

2009-09-20T23:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Cres, Max, Jer and I went to Taroko Gorge. It was an absolutely beautiful and amazing experience. We took a train to Hualien an rented scooters. I have never driven a scooter before. It was totally scary at first, but it was SO amazing once I got the hang of it. We drove for about an hour from Hualien to Taroko on this highway. I ran a bunch of red lights because Jer/Max were going so fast. I made the boys let me ride in the middle so that I wouldn't get left in the dust. Once we got to Taroko it was the most beautiful ride ever. We were on the coast, riding around swervy roads, it was SO beautiful. One of those things that you feel so fortunate to be able to do in life. Ugh I can't even describe how amazing it felt. We stopped a bunch along the way to look at he beautiful scenery and take pictures. I had a really hard time turning my bike sometimes, so that was a bit scary. There were a ton of tour busses rushing past us that made it a bit scarier.

After taking in the beautiful sights and sounds we headed back to Hualien. We got a little lost on our way and had to turn around a bunch while riding in the city. One time when I was turning around I almost fell off, it was a bit scary, but I was going slow and I picked my bike up fast enough that I didn't get hurt. I can't believe how many distractions there were driving in the city; dogs running across the street, some lady got hit by a car and was sprawled out in the middle of the road, weird left turn rules, I really got to ride in all sorts of places on my first day of scootering. I think I might have hit 80mph at some points. Very scary but very liberating. Usually I rode at 60, which is the speed limit in most places (not around the cliffs). After we made it back to Hualien, we stopped at 711 and I burned my leg on my bike. So many people I know have a scar from that, but luckily I only grazed the burning metal briefly so that I won't have a scar. Wow. What an amazing and exhilirating day! I really don't want to go home :(.

Getting Saved From Juifen!

2009-09-20T22:46:00.001-07:00

After finding out that there was no way for Amanda and I to get home from Juifen, a big black SUV appeared and a guy got out(he was picking up his friend). Amanda was stating that she might just ask him for a ride back to Taipei. He didn't overhear this conversation and within 5 minutes asked us if we were going to Taipei. We were like 'YES"! So we got in the car. Under any other circumstances, I would not have hitchhiked, however, since I read that hitchhiking is a popular way to get around here, and since I was with Amanda, I figured it would be OK. There was a huge language barrier, however we got some basic information across. We stopped on the way because they guys wanted to get some Beetlema. This is a popular asian pseudo-drug, kind of like chewing tobacco. It is these green nuts that you chew on and spit out the juice from. Amanda and I both tried it. It was disgusting. After we got back to Taipei, we met up with two of these guys friends (So all in all there was Tai, Lim, Ooh and I forget the fourth guys name).

We all went to this restaurant called Indian. There were all these cool dinosaur skeletons all over the place. I felt like I was in a Jurassic park graveyard!! We got a mini keg which we all shared. We played this 'game' called Gambin. This is what you say before you drink and it signifies that everyone drinking has to finish their cup. I ate FROG! I figured it would be appropriate because I was in a reptilian restaurant.

After singing blue moon for the guys at the table, because they asked me to, they all said that we should go to KTV Partyworld! So we went there and got a room and sang our hearts out! We got 3 more mini kegs and we had a lot of fun! YAY!

Jiufen!

2009-09-20T22:30:00.000-07:00

Saturday night Amanda and I went to Jiufen. We hopped on a train from Taipei main and arrived at 6. From there we had to take a taxi to get to this adorable maze of local treasures lined with beautiful red chinese lanterns. I had another moment where I could cry. We went and drank high mountain Oolong tea on this quaint balcony and had an amazing conversation. We talked and talked till about midnight. Then found out we missed all the trains and there were no cabs to get us back home. Oops!

Good morning...good night.

2009-09-18T21:01:00.000-07:00

Last night, after a delicious indian dinner I came home and started chatting with Bruce online. Later on, Cres, Bernie, Britt and I hung out with Kelly and started ichatting all together. It was a very interesting night. I guess you can say I kinda miss NY.

The Ting Tings in 711

2009-09-17T23:05:00.001-07:00

Pirate Shrimping!

2009-09-17T22:28:00.000-07:00

Last night we went shrimping dressed as pirates. I really wish shrimping was a leisure activity on LI, like bowling or something. It was actually really fun. When we first got there we all sat down and two minutes later I had caught the first shrimp! Those little creatures are so bratty. About a half hour into our shrimping adventure, some really nice man who had probably been shrimping for hours, handed me a huge bag of shrimp that he had caught. That was really nice. After catching, and de-hooking the shrimps we have to wash them and skewer them, cover them in salt and put them on the grill. They were absolutely delicious.

Is This Serious?!

2009-09-17T22:27:00.001-07:00

Ximen and KTV.

2009-09-16T22:16:00.000-07:00

Last night, Cres and I went and got Thai food and then went to KTV for Karaoke. Karaoke is a REALLY big deal here. The name of the place we went to was PARTYWORLD. It is kind of like a hotel complex. People were really dressed up and there was room service. The area that its in, Ximen is really cool too. It is modeled after a place in Japan.

A 22 Page Rough Draft.

2009-09-16T22:05:00.001-07:00

Since my mind has been so clear, I have been working very well. I think it has something to do with not understanding the language here. Normally, when I overhear people's conversations it allows me to put them in a box, in one way or another and things get boring because of that, because you are able to assume what other people are thinking. I guess that's why reading minds would be a boring superpower because after a while you would be able to predict everything people were about to say. At first, I have to say, I was scared because I can barely read or understand the world around me, but now I have come to find peace in it.

Anyway, this fresh state of mind has allowed me to work on my article what I want to try to get published. I am writing about pharmaceutical direct to consumer ads on the internet. I am looking at the direct and indirect ways of marketing and comparing internet ads to the previous forms of television and print. I will also be looking at these advertisements with regards to gender, age and race and who is most commonly targeted. I will also be looking at the medicalization, or recent surge of made up illness, and the designer drugs that are allowing this pill-popping craze to take over America and New Zealand. So far I have a 22 pg rough draft. It is nowhere near done, but it is nice to know that I am on the path.

First Date?

2009-09-15T22:44:00.000-07:00

Anja called me and we met in the park. We smoked a cigg and talked and then went back to her house. We listened to music and talked a lot. It is really great talking to her. She studied sociology and mass media like me, and makes art and has a really beautiful accent. She is from South Africa. She is one of the burlesque girls in that show I went to on Friday night. We talked about our artistic needs, the peaceful mindset in Taiwan, traveling, music..you know..things like that. She is a really beautiful person. We started getting hungry later on and decided to go for a walk and grab some grub. We went to this famous dumpling place with a billion floors and a line to get in. I must say they were the best dumplings I have ever had in my life. They were like, soupy in the middle and had the freshest ingredients. UGh SO good. After filling up on yummy dumplings, we walked around the area and stepped into a few second hand shops, jewelry shops and places with aromatic incense. We then stopped into this place for these shaved ice/ice cream/syrup/fruit things that they have here. I got bannana and she got mango. They were SO good and since its nearly only shaved ice it doesn't fill you up. I totally want to make them at home. So good and So refreshing. After that we parted ways and I met up with Jeremy and Max in Shilin to pick up some souvenirs. I caught the last train home and went to bed.

A Pleasant Change of Plans.

2009-09-15T22:36:00.001-07:00

Tuesday I woke up with the intention of getting together with Max to write a song. He didn't pick up my calls or call me back, which I thought was weird, so I bided my time and met up with Amanda and Sway at KGB. I was telling Amanda about meeting this girl Anja at the burlesque night. Anja and I seemed to have hit it off, in a more than friends sort of way. I was explaining to Amanda how she told me she may be able to hang out Tues night, but hadn't returned my text or call. I was actually rather loud in describing her this situation, when I get a tap on the shoulder, and who is it?!?! Anja! I was SOOO embarrassed I couldn't even deal. Out of the 10 people I know in Taipei, it just so happened that the one girl that I had a crush on heard me venting about her. OMG. Anyway, she explained to me that she was busy but would call me later on in the day and that we could possibly get together. I sat in KGB with Amanda and Sway for a few more hours. I rocked out on guitar and gave a sort of performance for them because there were very few people in the restaurant. It felt really good to play for people who appreciate my music. It was like I was a paid performer in there. I have grown to be much more comfortable in playing my music because of this new sense of being I have collected from being here. I look forward to going home and playing at Tula Kitchen (where Kristen works) because they said they would like to have me come and play shows once a week or so. I have to get together a semi-good recording first which may cost a bit of money but I think will benefit me in the long run. I can't wait to go home and get a new guitar that I can plug into amps and start playing real shows!! Anyway, Sway said that listening to my music/sappy love songs helped her out and calmed her down about her current relationship situation. I am glad that my music can help people with that. :)

Pixar.

2009-09-15T22:24:00.001-07:00

Monday morning Amanda, Max, Cres and I met up for brunch at this really great burger place called Forkers. Afterward, Max, Cres and I went to the Pixar exhibit. It was really interesting to see the processes of animation and how characters and storylines come to life. There was this one part that had a zoetrope which spun really fast with strobe lights to give the optical illusion that the characters were moving, when in fact they were just being spun at rapid speeds. After the exhibit, the three of us were pretty tired and Cres and I went home to watch Coraline. It was an interesting movie, but I don't think it was very cohesive. It was like a stop-animation version of Pan's Labyrinth. I understood what they were trying to do, but I guess I just didn't appreciate it as much as I thought I would. After watching Coraline, we met up with Esteban for Indian food in ShiDa. Esteban is one of those people you just meet and feel an instant love for. We got to talking and I found SO many different ways in which our lives have crossed paths. He used to go to my beach, he grew up off the road I live off now, AND he used to live off the same stop I lived off of in Brooklyn. After some delicious Indian food, Jeremy met up and the 4 of us got some drinks and hung out in the park. Sway and Max met up and we all chilled and talked for a bit. I really, really like all my friends here. It will be hard to leave them. I know I have really wonderful friends back home, and that if I lived here maybe I would see the people here differently, I just have to express that I am really happy and have been really benefiting emotionally from this trip.

Productivity.

2009-09-15T00:56:00.000-07:00

After my awesome day to myself, I woke up the next morning with a vigorous start. I went to KGB and got a delicious burger and started on my assignment. I am trying to get published an article about pharmaceutical direct to consumer ads on the internet. I e-mailed my advisor and am on my way to being published in either ASA, SASE or ESS. I spent hours at my computer, wrote about 10 pages and did ethnographic research. It felt really really good to get this assignment underway. I came home to a sleeping Cresensio and talked to Boppy for an hour. We then got food and chilled for the rest of the night. I did yoga! For one of the first times here. I need to start doing it everyday again. I will when I get home, its just hard here because I do not have my own space. I just learned though that strength comes from within. I am capable of anything if I use my strength from within.

Playing Solitaire

2009-09-15T00:52:00.000-07:00

Saturday I didn't quite feel the same. I had a great night and really enjoyed meeting a bunch of people. I just had to have this really introspective moment, where I stayed at home while everyone went to this really awesome all-night jungle, drum and bass party. I know I totally would have enjoyed it. I wrote and I watched the L word. I recharged my batteries, I gained a new way to look at the world, I did my tarot, I found a new way to approach life. I am less certain than I once was, I am learning to reconstruct myself by way of avoiding my demons. I am in a good place. I am happy, really happy.

Burlesque!

2009-09-13T07:31:00.000-07:00

Friday night we went to a burlesque show. Cres, Max and I wore out our best wigs, extensions or moustaches and watched some girlies and one guy dance in pantyhose around a stage. Great times! I got a little too silly though and felt like poop the day after. My extensions are a hit! I really want to get real ones now.

2/28 park and Chang Kai Chek

2009-09-11T04:31:00.000-07:00

This morning Cres and I went for a delicious Vietnamese lunch and then headed out to 2/28 park. We wound up going to the museum there because they had a Darwin exhibit that I wanted to see. After the museum, Max met up and we walked around the park and then to Chang Kai Chek. Standing in front of the memorial I had one of those moments when you feel immortal or infinite or an 'aha' moment. I sat in the middle of the square and meditated for a couple of minutes. It was absolutely beautiful. A bunch of Korean girls asked to take a picture with me and I let them. They were so cute. After seeing the memorial, we went to do some DIY/Pirate costume shopping. Tonight we are going to a burlesque show. I am pretty stoked! :)

Hufanpu.

2009-09-11T04:04:00.000-07:00

Last night, Sway and I got a late start on our days. I watched 4 episodes of The L Word (GOD I love that show) and we met up at the train station around 7. We went to this crazy huge market to get really cheap clothes. I got SO many great finds, including a shirt with boobs all over it, a black leather fanny pack, and a couple more shirts. We were very indecisive because there were SO many great options. Everything was so cheap and amazing. I wish there were more places like that in America. After snacking and shopping, we went to another area to get snacks and then called it a night. Life here is so simple. I can totally understand how people move here and never move back home.

Swan Boats and Hot Pot.

2009-09-10T01:56:00.000-07:00

Yesterday at around 3, Sway and I met up at the end of the green line and took out some paddle boats. There were so many gorgeous views. Sway and I did psychological tests on each other and had a really good time getting to know each other better. After the boats, we walked across the bridge to this cute little area with some artsy shops, farm stands and carnival games. We played this fun little pinballish game and won bubbles and face glittery stickers. We then got some Hot Pot which was amazing. I tried pigs blood! They mix it with rice, into a cube. It actually tasted really gross. As I am sure you can imagine, blood is salty and irony tasting. Afterward, I met sway's parents. They were so cute and saw their apartment. They live on the top two floors of one of the tallest buildings in the area, pretty cool. After hanging out there and playing a little piano, we headed back to Cresensio's where him and Jenna were covering their macbooks with DIY metallic squares. I played some guitar hero 4 with Bernie and we all hung out on the balcony and then I called it a night. I keep having these great days and nights here. This is a truly awesome adventure.

Brooklyn Farmer Video Shoot

2009-09-09T07:34:00.001-07:00

After coming home from our fun fun fun night, Cres and I took a photo shoot on the balcony. Yes, we took sleeping pills. Yes we are amazing. I fucking love it here and don't ever want to leave. I have two weeks left. I wish it were two months...or years.

Shilin

2009-09-09T07:23:00.000-07:00

Last night Cres and I went to Shilin, which is probably the most well known night market of Taipei, or Taiwan alltogether. I can't even describe how amazing this place was. So much good food and cheap fun shit. Just look at the pics and you will understand. I got a bag, sunglasses, a watch and hair extensions for well under $100. I mean, of course everything isn't the best quality, but that's the fun of souvenirs. I must go back to get everyone fun shit from there.

Hot Springs

2009-09-09T07:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Amanda and I met up at the bus station at 10:30 to go to a hot spring/hike. We got a delicious breakfast kind of food with fried egg and sweet delicious sauce and waited for bus 260. Bus 260 came and went without us, so we decided to take an alternate route to the Beitou stop. We got some directions from a guide and started walking toward where we thought the spring was. It was an uphill climb and we got thirsty so we stopped for a few beers at this adorable little shack next to a bubbling brook in the hillside. We had an amazing heart to heart and found out that our love lives are very similar. After enjoying cold beers in the sweltering heat she climbed a tree and I took pictured. We then found what we believed to be the public hot spring. We dipped our toesies in and could barely take it. The water was approximately 250 degrees. We were severely disappointed. We walked around a bit and found a hot spring museum and took a quick tour. After the tour, we started walking to get food and some guy stopped me to take a picture with me! It was really funny. I totally stick out lie a sore thumb, especially in the suburban area we were at. At that point, we found a Sushi Express, which has delicious sushi on a conveyor belt. After eating we went to the REAL hot spring and soaked in acidic sulfuric water. It was a really interesting, cultural experience. There were a lot of old people soaking their aching muscles and arthritis ridden limbs. It was a lot like public hot tubs, with tiers indicating the level of hotness. I could barely dip my toe in the top tier. I suppose it is good for people with joint and muscle aches, however I couldn't really handle the heat. After soaking, we went to Shadaa to visit Sway at work. She works at a Kiwi burger place. The spaghetti gang came and met up and then Cres and I went to Shilin, the most amazing night market in Taiwan.

We Are Golden!

2009-09-09T06:52:00.001-07:00

Hand Spider

2009-09-07T15:48:00.000-07:00

I keep having dreams that these are under my blankets, and I don't even think they exist here, ughh.

Solo Excursion #2

2009-09-07T07:26:00.000-07:00

Today I went out by myself to Shadaa. I went to this coffee house called insomnia, got some lunch and tried to get started on my applications. I decided that I will be applying to 6 programs. 6 is my lucky number, and applying to more than that would seem like too much to me. If i get into one program i have a 50% chance of moving to California and a 50% chance of staying in NY. I also have 2/6 chance of doing a media studies program instead of a sociology one. This is the stats if all programs are equally likely. Who really knows. I ordered curry chicken for lunch and the chicken had a lot of bones that were unfamiliar to me. I wonder what part of the chicken my meal was made of. Anyway, after finally buying a face mask for the unruly smog conditions, I took a train to the Taipei 101 building (aka the tallest building in the world). I went to this amazing book store eslite and found the tao te ching, which I had been meaning to get since I got here. I also did some other research and decided that if I get into a media studies program, I want to do my dissertation on Facebook and privacy in the age of the internet, and the changing cultural values brought about by celebritism. Now I must get ice cream and water and take ambien with Cres. <3

Shadaa!

2009-09-06T02:16:00.000-07:00

This morning, after a good 12 hours of sleep, Amanda and I headed out to Shadaa to check out a new apt for her. I really like that section of town. For some reason it is way less complicated than the area of town that I am staying in. There are a lot of cute clothing shops and food vendors and coffee houses. We did some shopping and I got a sweet straw fedora, ownl necklace and couple of shirts. I also got a sim card for my cell phone! I am feeling a lot more comfortable in my environment. Amanda showed me a cute little coffee shop with wifi. I am going to go there tomorrow to get some work done. I rode on the metro today for the first time. I was amazed at how clean it was. I am also amazed at how cheap everything is here. A 1000 dollar bill here, which seems to be the equivalent of about 50 american dollars is actually only worth 30.44 american. Most decent meals run around 5 or 10 dollars american. Expensive pocketbooks can run around 60 american dollars. It is so weird. I feel like a baller!

Country Club Pool Party

2009-09-05T15:32:00.000-07:00

After a long night on Thursday and Friday, which all happened to coalesce into one awesome funfest, we went straight from Amanda and Sway's to the pool party at the country club. It was absolutely gorgeous. I met some cool new people and got silly. We played with beach balls in the water, danced and drank margaritas. The whole gang went out after, but I decided to stay in. A good decision I believe. Too much partying makes nicole a dead girl.

Pascetti Night

2009-09-05T15:26:00.000-07:00

Friday night we went back to Sway and Amanda's for a dinner party. We kept saying it was going to be an early night, but then 6 in the morning rolled around. At some point, the guitar was taken out and I played a bunch of songs for everyone and it made me feel really great because they loved it. I found out that two of my new friends Max and Austin are both musicians as well. We are supposed to get together and jam at some point while I am here. That makes me super excited. This is where I should post a video that Cres took of me playing...

Taoist Research Project

2009-09-03T23:48:00.000-07:00

I just decided yesterday that while I am here, I want to research Tao and start and work on a new paper which I hope to get published this winter. I have been looking into the spiritual religious ideals which are upheld here in Taiwan, and I believe that they must make for interesting, if not, different business and social situations. On the micro level, I will try to observe communication (even though my language observation is somewhat limited), and body language to come up with a viewpoint about how this spiritual stance affects inter/intra-personal relationships. On the macro level, I am working to do research on organizations which are here and focus on Tao/Buddhism/Daoism/Confucianism and possibly get an interview to further my research.

Making Our Own Little Chapters

2009-09-03T22:52:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, when Cres came home from work he was really pissed because of some unfair crap that happened at his job. He vented for a bit and then we went with his roomie, Bernie, to get some delicious scallion pancakes with egg in the middle from some street vendor. I am slowly but surely trying to learn as much mandarin as possible. We hung out on the home front for a bit and I took a nap before we went to Sway's apt.

We went to Sway's and I met her amazing roomie Amanda and then Jeremy and Max came over, two of my other new and incredible friends. We danced, put on fake eyelashes, made grilled cheese, drank beers, got dressy, watched vids, took a billion pictures and videos, hung out on the roof, danced some more, ate Sway's delicious homemade dumplings, listened to really great music....its nights like these that I can forget all the reasons why life sucks sometimes and just be happy.

P.S.-We made plans to dress up like pirates and go shrimping.

Day 1 Solo Exploration

2009-09-02T20:42:00.000-07:00

Wow. I just walked around solo around Cres's hood. I have to say it was probably the most terrifying thing ever. I can't read or speak anything. I have no cell phone and a tendency to get lost. A lot of people look poor, not unlike manhattan. It is so obvious I don't know my way around, or anything about this place. I mean I have this extra crease in my eyelids, longer bones and flatter hair follicles. Those simple traits determine me different. I can't help but wonder how these genetic differences came about. Of course most educated individuals would say it has to do with the climate conditions of our ancestors and their biological adaptations to them. But I wonder how, in the long run, these genetic difference actually helped us. I understand that in northern countries like Norway and Sweden, people have longer noses with higher bridges. This is helpful in warmer climates to heat the air flowing in through the nostrils. I just wonder, why the absence of eyelid crease?

Anyway. Even though I felt like a complete tourist, which made me feel completely vulnerable, I snapped some shots. Thank heaven there's 711! (Seriously, there is like a 711 on every block)

Taiwan at last!

2009-09-02T08:57:00.000-07:00

During my 8 hour layover in South Korea I did my tarot cards and it gave me faith that my life is headed in the right direction and helped me to really believe that I can put the pieces of my life together if I work at it hard enough. After that, I walked around the airport a lot, then I decided to get some authentic Korean food while I was there. I traded in 15 american dollars and got some squid bibambop. It was absolutely delicious. After that, I went to the gate and started reading 'The Freedom Writers'. I really like it so far, and I am already getting teary eyed.

I got on the plane and found out that I was assigned a window seat, then some girl came over and asked me to switch to a middle seat so she could sit next to her friend. Reluctantly, I said OK because I had already taken a xanax and knew this flight would be shorter than the last. After I moved to a middle seat, some other girl asked me to move to an isle seat. I moved. But then she asked me to move again, and i was like "REALLY?!" and I said no. I know its probably karma getting back at me for making people move on planes for me when I have traveled in large groups. Anyway, that flight finally ended and I was met by Cresencio's friend Sway at the airport. She is a really cool girl who has lived in Taiwan her whole life and speaks perfect english. We got along really well right away. We talked and talked as we rode a bus and taxi to Cresencio's. It is so different looking here than anywhere I have ever been before. There are more scooters per person than anywhere else in the world and believe it or not, the worlds tallest building is here.

I got to Cres's took a nap and then we bonded. I am SOO tired but am trying to go along with the 12 hour time difference thing. I feel like I time traveled today. If a plane could go twice as fast and bring me back to NY, could I time travel and exist at two places at once? Could I break the sound barrier? I think we should make airplanes that can time travel, or better yet, teleport. I have a bone to pick with Asiana airlines. Anyway, I am SO happy to be here. OH we went out to dinner and on the way back we saw this construction mannequin. Enjoy this vid.

24 Hours of Sleep?

2009-09-01T12:23:00.000-07:00

I just got to the airport in South Korea. I am bored. Cresencio says I should sleep and get on their time. But I feel like I just tried to sleep for a bunch of hours. Technically, my plane ride sucked. There were no more isle seats or window seats. The lady seated me in the middle of the middle isle. I had a screaming baby on each side of me. And what seemed to be like a seat with great legroom turned into an awkward crawl space. Flight attendants had given each baby a floating bastinet, which plugged into the wall and took up all the perceived leg room. Luckily I was exhausted and passed out anyway. In small spurts. For dinner we had a choice of Bim Bam Bop and Chicken or something. I went with the Bim Bam Bop. It was probably the best plane meal I ever had. It came with some glass noodles and a side of Kim Chi. For those of you unfamiliar with BBB, its veggies and rice with hot pepper sauce. The hot pepper sauce was on the side, and I only used a little. Luckily the woman next to me was there to guide me on how to put my meal together. Wine was gratis so I had two glasses with my meal, in between little naps. I can't wait to get there already. This layover is going to be a bitch. Luckily I have The L Word to keep me company.

AHHHHHH

2009-08-31T13:51:00.001-07:00

I am going to Taiwan in a few hours!!! YAYYYYYYY!

I'm Freakin' Out

2009-08-30T12:26:00.002-07:00

Okay. So I have been really manic depressive lately. I just want to sit in my room and watch The L Word. I finished moving all my stuff and am thus, a resident on Long Island once again. I have so much shit in my bedroom and I can't make heads or tails of it. I hate it when my personal belongings are in a chaotic mess. The whole time I lived away from home, I have to say that my room was clean, at least cleaner than the rest of the apt. Now i have years of old items that I can't seem to get rid of, taking up space and clouding my mind. I hate it.

I am still really sad about blair. I really, really liked him. I have been feeling like maybe this happened to me because I come off as desperate. When I go to Taiwan I will work on my inner-self and self-worth. I keep reading a lot about Taoism, Daoism, Confucianism and Buddhism. These are all peaceful and work through knowledge of the self, in relation to the world around. In order to understand the universe, one must understand oneself first. I thought I had a pretty good understanding of myself, but I can always work more on that. I think its pretty cool that Taiwan doesn't subscribe to Christianity. I would really like to do a sociological study of how this affects their national mantra, as opposed to gentile countries. From what I have been reading, their psychological, peaceful outlook is incredible and life-changing. I know this type of indoctrinated, peace-keeping mentality is mostly due to the roots of this tiny, chinese-inspired island; however, it won't hurt to try to relate the psycho-social aspects of their world to my own.

I am sad also because I haven't been able to say goodbye to some people (Carrie, in particular). Normally, this may not bother me, but the emotional state I am in is pretty needy, even though I like to sit by myself a lot and think and cry. I feel like I push her away a lot when I get sad, and when she gets sad I push her away too because thats what I think I want when I am sad. I feel like Carrie and my relationship can be likened to a married couple, at times. We are very different and that is how it works. I could never be with someone too much like me, because I drive myself crazy. I know I need to learn how to regulate my mood swings and learn how to deal with my inner turmoil, and I hope to do this. I am just going through crap right now and haven't felt like meditating or doing yoga or anything that usually makes me feel better; and I don't ever want to go back on anti-depressants.

I am kind of sad about losing some of my independence. I hate the fact that I need to let mom know when I need the car. I know this is a temporary phase, but it is still restraining my personal freedom.

I am also sad that the summer is over. However, I shouldn't be allowed to complain about this because I am going away for almost a whole month. I am just really sad that I can feel it is getting colder, and I cannot go to Robert Moses 5 anymore this year.

I feel like it helps to note why I am feeling sad, just so I can understand better, and alleviate some issues. Lately, I feel like all I do is cry. Cry and drink.

I leave for Taiwan tomorrow night. I hope the plane rides don't suck.

City Lights Cruise

2009-08-30T12:06:00.000-07:00

Thursday night after packing and getting ready to leave BK, Jennifer met up and we went to South Street Seaport to go on a boat ride around the statue of liberty. We got pretty smashed. The boat ride was filled with foreigners and working stiffs. We made the best of it and laughed at all the people dancing. I believe this boat ride was the perfect goodbye New York city serenade.

Happy Birthday Jenn!

2009-08-28T13:00:00.000-07:00

Wednesday night I went out for Jenn's birthday. I was still in a bum mood so I couldn't really enjoy the night like I would have liked to. PJ rode to bull at Mason Dixon and we ate really good homey food at Eastville. All of Jenn's friends are so beautiful and thin. Sometimes I feel left out.

Boycotting and Purging

2009-08-26T07:26:00.000-07:00

Monday was a late beach day. I met up with Eddie, Nicole and Matt. The only problem was, due to the hurricane, our beach wasn't letting people in until the tide came lower. The four of us went to field 2 and made our own nude beach...behind some windscreens of course. There was a guy who was naked right near us, and he got caught by the cops. We hung out there until we didn't anymore, then we finally got into field 5. We were finally home. I hung out for a few hours, after 4. Blair told me he was going to get off his flight around 4, so I was anxiously awaiting his call. He was a little slow to get to me, which is to be expected. I decided to go out for sushi with my beach friends because we had such a rough day trying to boycott public nudity laws and regulations. I got super drunk. I picked up Blair at the train station and totally let him know my feelings and that he hurt me all summer, and that I felt like I was waiting around for him all summer. I cried like a baby. It turns out he didn't break up with K and they are still in the same relationship they were in 6 months ago. I am not going to waste any more time waiting for him to break up with her/be ready/treat me like I should be treated. It hurts so much that I have to let him go because I really really liked him.

After my blowout, I really didn't even want him to be here anymore. It just hurt. I am glad that I was intoxicated, because I was never really able to tell him how I truly felt about the situation, it was always taboo. You would think that after 6 months I would have opened up more. I feel like crap and every song I listen to reminds me of him.

Sunday Rainy Sunday

2009-08-26T07:19:00.000-07:00

Sunday was Patti's birthday so Boppy, Derek, Patti, Carrie and I all went to Minado. It was SO delicious. Afterward, we went to TJ Max. After that, Carrie and I went to Scotties and watched a movie. After coming home, we watched True Blood and I passed out. Wow. My life must be sounding really interesting. I was getting all excited that B was coming home on Monday, so I called it a night.

Greenport with Wifey

2009-08-26T07:02:00.000-07:00

Friday - Saturday Carrie and I went to Greenport. It has been so hot out lately that we barely spent any time outdoors. We had a delicious dinner and played Apples to Apples. Carrie and I then watched Zach and Miri make a Porno. The next morning we got up to do some yard sailing.I got a big sweet black belt. After taking a nap/watching Bedtime Stories, we went to this festival at the skate park. It was really fun to watch a bunch of kids compete and skate around. They make it look so easy!

nerd.

2009-08-22T12:07:00.001-07:00

Your result for The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test...

Pure Nerd

87 % Nerd, 9% Geek, 13% Dork

For The Record:

A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.

A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.

A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.

You scored better than half in Nerd, earning you the title of: Pure Nerd.

The times, they are a-changing. It used to be that being exceptionally smart led to being unpopular, which would ultimately lead to picking up all of the traits and tendences associated with the "dork." No-longer. Being smart isn't as socially crippling as it once was, and even more so as you get older: eventually being a Pure Nerd will likely be replaced with the following label: Purely Successful.

Congratulations!

Also, you might want to check out some of my other tests if you're interested in any of the following:

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Professional Wrestling

Love & Sexuality

America/Politics

Thanks Again! -- THE NERD? GEEK? OR DORK? TEST

Take The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test at HelloQuizzy

Decent Exposures

2009-08-21T09:54:00.000-07:00

After sleeping at Carrie's I woke up to her kidnapping me and taking me to LI so we could get sushi and she could go to her Dr. appt. We had a silly drive and laughed a lot. That song 'Tonight's Gonna Be A Good Night' must have come on the radio 7x during our drives. Kind of ridiculous. I got home, took a shower and called the airport, in hopes of postponing my Taiwan trip, in an effort to miss typhoon season. They wanted $380 additional to change my flight. I said fuck that. So I am still leaving on September 1st. Our friend Zach was having his first solo photography show at 6 in the lower west side, so we had to make that. I read a couple of article's about it, it was on the radio and the news!! I am so proud of Zach! He takes pictures of naked people in busy city places like the subway, chinatown, times sq...etc. Basically, the model takes off their clothes for 30 seconds and Zach takes 10 shots. He keeps bail money on hand and his lawyers number on speed dial. Anyway, the show was really great! I dragged Nathan out, and Kate came to meet up. Afterward, Kate and I went for a walk to get some food. She told me about the new man in her life, and said she had met him on an online dating site that is free to join and send messages. I was curious so I joined last night and have already been talking to people. I feel like a huge dork, but it is so hard to meet people.

Tiger Outing

2009-08-21T09:41:00.000-07:00

Wednesday I went to interview people with Alex and Ariel for the man-on-the-street portion of our TV show. We stood in front of a poster for 'Addicted to Beauty' in the subray station on 6th and 14th and asked people questions. I started asking people and was quickly shut down. It is really demeaning when people ignore you or get pissy when you want to ask them some questions. But I guess I understand because I would do the same thing. After being pretty productive and getting a few really good, short interviews, we were getting ready to go and one of the MTA workers told us we weren't allowed to record there. Perfect timing. I proposed we go out to sushi after our shoot, and they both agreed. We went to a sushi place and one pitcher turned into 3 and we all played never have I ever. It was really fun. After getting drunk and missing our meeting, we decided to stroll the streets with a different video tape to document our outing, because we had the vid cam. It was fun anf funny. After that we went to Ariel's brother's apartment and watched youtube videos and drank some more. After that, Alex and I headed back to BK to go to metropolitan. This was my first time actually hanging out there, it is a gay bar. I have been coming to terms with the fact that I am actually pretty attracted to girls, but I like guys more. I just like people and I think it would be completely possible for me to marry a guy, have some babies and then settle down with a woman later on in life. The whole demographics of older women dating men is not so good, because guys tend to like younger women. I mean, obviously if I did date a woman she would have to be beautiful, girly, smart and funny. IDK, sometimes I feel like I connect with girls way more than guys. However, as complicated as I think guys are, girls may be even more so. Oh well.

We Jammin'

2009-08-21T09:37:00.000-07:00

Tuesday I went into work to log and capture the Jennifer Pozner interview. Afterward, I went to Cosmic Cantina to visit Carissa and ask her to lunch. She was so excited to see me, as usual. She is probably the most bubbly person I know. She is always in high spirits, the kind of friend I enjoy to be around. The bar was pretty dead and two of her friends came in to DJ, as well as an old mutual friend of a friend and his gf. Being that we were all musicians, we wound up jamming out in the bar. There were two acoustic guitars, one electric, a harmonica and a bongo. Everyone contributed vocals and I got to play two of my original songs. It was realy excellent to play with musicians and be appreciated for being a musician.

Time Constraints

2009-08-18T15:40:00.000-07:00

I just realized that I have to prepare to go to Taiwan and move out in about 2 weeks. I am not exactly stressed about it yet, as I have been avoiding the thought, but I really need to get on the ball. I am also sad that summer is almost over and I have to start worrying about real life again soon. Oh well. Here it comes.

Happy Birthday Lauren!

2009-08-18T10:11:00.000-07:00

Sunday night I went to Lauren's birthday party. We went to Ayza on 31st, which is this classy wine/chocolate bar. It was absolutely lovely, but even lovelier than the atmosphere was the great company. After Ayza, two of Danielle's friends showed up and we walked to Angels and Kings, where we were told it was lesbian night. there were like 5 people at the bar. How come gay bars area always so packed, but lesbian bars are few and far between? Anyway, we sat and hung in our group for a while and then Danielle's friends left and Jason showed up with his friend Amanda. We left lesbian night and walked somewhere for kareoke. Crista and Danielle left and the rest of us sang a shitload of kareoke. I did Torn-Natalie Imbruglia, Darling Nikki - Prince, The Denial Twist - The White Stripes....I could go on. It was a long night. We sorta closed the bar.

On our way home we stopped for Apple Jacks and candles so Lauren could blow them out. We then came home, took a music video of us dancing to Mika, Jason dyed his and my hair and then me and lauren started on some collaging. All in all a great night. i woke up feeling like crap though.

Crappy Turned Happy

2009-08-16T15:52:00.001-07:00

I was in a bit of a depressed funk when I woke up at Sean's. I am glad I didn't do anything stupid and I am happy that I am over my dumb little crush on him. I stopped at Briarcliffe on my way home and walked around the campus. It is such a small school. I am really excited to start work. After that, I met up with Carrie for a picnic at Beakman beach in OB. We talked and looked at the water. It was nice to bond with her, very therapeutic because I haven't really seen her much lately. After that, I packed for PA. Morgan and Brian aka Scottie picked me up and we headed west. We picked up Juliet, Morgan's gf and were off to PA. I had no idea that Morgan's parents live in a mansion with an indoor pool/hot tub, salon, wine cellar that looks like a cafe, gym, movie theatre, basketball court, piano room, spiral staircase with a lookout on the roof, a salon,...their house is HUGE and well stocked. I have honestly never been in a house that nice in...ever. The greatest part was that Morgan's parents were SO nice and down to earth. Friday night was spent going out to dinner, doing kareoke and swimming.

I also didn't know that Morgan's dad owns an indoor football team. They had a game last night to determine if they were gonna go to Las Vegas for finals, and they won!!! I had SO much fun. Normally, I hate football and don't enjoy games. However, I had a really great time. The seats were awesome, and since I know the team owners I got to participate in a game where I won a $100 gift certificate for a furniture store in PA. We got to walk on the field and enjoy all of the crazy fun excitement after winning the game. Afterward, we went to Bennigans, and I got to take pictures with 'the cup'. All in all, it was a really exciting weekend. It definitely helped me get my head out of my ass and loosen up and enjoy summer a bit more. I can't believe I leave my apt and head to Asia in 2 weeks. This is crazy!

I ended a great weekend with a trip to my favorite beach in the world. The water was eprfect today. EVERYONE went in. That is a very rare occurence.

Art and Ambien?

2009-08-16T15:47:00.000-07:00

Thursday night Carrie and I finally had a chat. It had to be done. We have been a bit on the rocks for most of the summer. I have just been really busy hanging out with an impressive array of people and didn't realize how much she needed/depended on me. I am flattered, I guess. It is nice to be needed. Anyway, I had made plans to go to Sean's and paint/take ambien. I forgot the ambien, so I went over and wanted to paint/collage anyway. He wasn't up for it. He is a fair-weathered artist. He needs to be induced by chemicals in order to feel like being artistic. I ain't down with that, no sir. Anyway, we hung out and watched American Psycho. I don't know what is going on between us, but I think he is cute. I think he might be scared of me cause the last time I slept over I hit him. I don't remember doing so, however. And there has never been a time before when I hit without being asked. I am a little girl trapped in a big girl's body. Anyway, I think I am going to stop hanging out with Sean. We haven't even had sex and its already a little awkward being around him. Oh well, I tried.

Oblivious

2009-08-13T16:45:00.000-07:00

I guess you don't really realize how much someone needs you until they come out and say it. Or at least I don't.

Ambien Collage

2009-08-13T13:00:00.000-07:00

I made a new ambien collage last night. I am in love with it.

Moody and Toody

2009-08-13T06:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was tempted to stay home and watch Degrassi, yet again. However, I had to walk to a train and take it to work. We had a long meeting for the show and I have been designated to do a whole multitude of mini-tasks.

I found out that I am not going to Montreal this weekend after all. I went into a bit of a hissy fit at work because I had all my hopes set on going to MTL and spending time with people I haven't seen in a while. Oh well. I am going to some football thing in PA instead, but I get Thursday to hang out. I am making a kick-ass collage!

Hazy n' Lazy

2009-08-12T08:52:00.000-07:00

Tuesday was another day pretending that I was going to stay in bed and watch Degrassi all day. Then I wound up talking to Jodette, we met up with Billy and James and walked on the boardwalk in Long Beach. We got some sushi and then went to Billy's to sing some songs and jam. After that, Jodette and I got Ralphs and went back to her house. Brian came over, we played the Ukelele and watched 'The Orphanage'. Just a chill summer day.

Can't Tear Myself Away

2009-08-12T08:37:00.000-07:00

Monday I woke up and wanted to be completely lazy all day. I wound up getting lunch at Cassis with Boppy. We had a great convo. After that, I came home to more lazy time and then at 4 I met up with Nicole at the Beach. It was a nice, free, lazy day. After that, I went to Brian n' Morgan's for a fire in the backyard. It started thundering and raining so we came inside and played Cranium. After that, I stopped at Nagshead on my way home to say hi to Smally. He is finally moving out of NY. He is moving to Boston, to live with Brianne. Anyway, Monday nights at Nagshead are open mic nights. This means I will be playing there very soon. Hooray!

Men

2009-08-09T10:31:00.001-07:00

Is it really, truly possible to have a great time when you feel like the one person you want to share it with is overseas with another woman? I have been trying, but you are always in the back of my mind. Sometimes it helps me through the day, and sometimes it makes me angry at men in general. Ugh.

Wedding JK

2009-08-08T18:01:00.001-07:00

I just found out that this girl that I used to dorm with at Dowling got married recently. Imagine that 23 and married. Seems like a totally insane thing to do. I am too busy working on myself to even imagine working on/raising other people. I am/must be so much more complex. There is no way this world is near ready for me to procreate/get married any time soon. It's not like I am immature or anything, I just am not that naive.

I Love Her

2009-08-08T17:53:00.001-07:00

Burried Treasure!

2009-08-08T17:22:00.000-07:00

Last night I was driving home from 'Alive at Five' and I was picking my nose, as I tend to do when I drive by myself. I was at a red light and slightly ahead of me and to my left there was a couple in a car. Little did I know, they were watching me dig for treasure. Then the guy shouted, 'Digging for treasure' and I looked over at them, realizing that they were laughing at me. I gave them 2 thumbs up and went on my way. lol. Good times.

Drinking Out of Cups LOL

2009-08-08T17:08:00.001-07:00

RM5

2009-08-08T16:51:00.000-07:00

Friday morning I woke up with the beach on my mind. I went and sat in traffic for about an hour and met up with Nicole and Eddie. The water was perfect and the sun was hot. We took a walk down to Kizmit and I got to see some adorable beach village. After hanging out there for a few hours, I went with Julia and Nicole to 'Alive After 5' in Patchogue. I saw a Briarcliffe tent and introduced myself as the new Soc Adjunct Prof. It was really cool to be all proud of my new job to people I will soon be working with. The three of us girls got some food and drink and called it a night.

This morning, I woke up with the beach itch again and went and met up with Carissa, Jake and Nicole. The whole gang was there when we got there and today was even nicer than Friday. You just can't go wrong with that beach. Today I got a free massage by a massage therapist, played with hula hoops, swam a lot in the ocean, laid out in the sun, walked around with a tiny cup to sample all drinks, and got mardi gras beads. I really don't think I could imagine a better, more laid back day.

The only thing that really sucks is that my mom is pissed at me for spending too much money on the credit card. I am in big trouble. I am getting my credit cards taken away for good and being given a budget for all my spendings. I can see how this is gonna be bad (in emergency situations) but I really do need to learn how to budget myself. This will be a big step into that thing...whats it called...adulthood? I need to learn some restraint and responsibility. It is going to be really hard and I am sure that my personality with be altered and i will lose some friends because I will be crankier. Whatever, my life has been high (in the metaphorical sense) lately, and its about time I come back down to the level that normal people function on.

I leave you with a picture of my beloved Nicole. The two of us are often introduced as Nicole squared.

Reality Robert

2009-08-08T16:46:00.000-07:00

Thursday morning I hopped on a train back into the city to interview reality Robert for PTTV. I met up with Alex and Ariel in midtown and we went up to Robert's office. Robert must have looked up info about PTTV because he seemed to be well versed in the ethos of our organization. This knowledge of us led to a less interesting interview, however it lead to more neutral, less conspiracy based communication. Anyway, I think I am really beginning to love conducting interviews. I think it would be really cool if I could make a documentary and travel to a bunch of places to try to debunk some social institution/group.

After our interview, me and the girls got some Korean food and I hopped on a train back to LI. Lauren picked me up at the train and I made a fire and mojitos in the back yard. We read ghost stories and played music and later on Carrie came over. It was a nice semi-laid back evening with some good drinks and some good girls.

Having a Coke and Eatin' a Tomato

2009-08-06T07:05:00.000-07:00

Last night I hopped a train out to Rockville Centre to catch Lucas Carpenter at Vibe Lounge. This guy is an incredible musician and used to date Lauren. He plays a whole bunch of instruments and has a loop pedal so that his songs just build and become really amazing and multilayered. It really is astounding. I met this girl Crista, who used to date one of my friends from HS and is now BFF with Mike Del Rio. She is really great. I always get excited when I meet new girlfriends. It is really hard to meet really down to earth people sometimes. Anyway, after the show we went to a diner with Lucas and Mark Rose (the band that went on after)and then MDR met up. It was a really great, laid back night.

Lauren told me this great analogy that is synonymous for the strategy of pursuit of our love interests. They are like tomatoes. You can't ignore them. You have to water them, but they aren't ripe for the picking yet.

Do the Shuffle

2009-08-04T14:14:00.000-07:00

Sunday night I went back out to Brooklyn to wish Anna farewell. She is moving back to Canada after a summer in NY. We went to R bar and had really good italian food. Yep, I am pretty bored of Brooklyn bars. They are kind of over rated. Actually, the bar scene in general is kind of dead to me. The only exception is a few places in H-ton (MC's, the Tavern), but just to meet up with people. I really don't actually enjoy bar hopping anymore. I would much rather hang out at someone's house with the people I actually care about or do something else. Anyway, I left the bar kind of early to go home and start packing up my car. I started moving my stuff out of BK and to LI. I cannot wait until I live in one solitary home again. I hate the city in the summer. It is way too hot and there isn't really much to do. Long island is the best for summer.

Anyway, so yeah I came back to LI on Monday for band practice. Lauren came over and we wrote a new song.

After practice, I met up with Julia, Sean and Jackie and we went to some shitty bar out east. Sean and I kicked ass at beer pong and I got way too drunk. I think we all had a lot of fun, but i actually don't remember all of it. I smoked an entire pack of ciggs yesterday. I can't believe I did that. I am not buying anymore packs. I feel disgusting and my breath is so bad.

Some Kind of Magnet I am

2009-08-02T09:18:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to the beach with Stephen. We met up with Nicole, Sean and Eddie. It was a really beautiful day at the beach, despite the fact that I almost drowned. I am usually the girl to run and dive right in and never look back. Yesterday, the waves were crazy and sucked you and and didn't let you out. It was really scary. I made it out alive, thank goodness I am a strong swimmer.

Anyway, So I realized yesterday that Stephen and I are at that point where he is really starting to annoy me. Our conversations go nowhere. He is fun if I am in a good mood, but he is really like a 5 year old at all other times. He is such a nice kid,like really too nice for his own good. I knew when I started to hang out with him that he bothered me a bit and that I could only take him in small doses. Yesterday I was itching to get rid of him.

I dropped him off after the beach and went to Julia's and me, her and Sean hung out for a bit. I was supposed to sleep at Julia's after she bbq'd and we went to this show at the Brick House. Sean is really really funny. The three of us had a really good time joking around. (Video of song we made up, soon to come)

The three of us went to the show and Nicole and Sal met up. I was worried that Julia's 'bf' Austin was going to show up. Well, he did and I was so out of there. I am starting to realize that Julia is pretty much always surrounded by drama. Anyway, I went home with Sean, but not before I told him that NOTHING was happening between us, not even a kiss. He is funny, but full of shit and you can't believe much of what comes out of his mouth. That whole group of guys that Nicole and Julia hang out with are bastard little boys and really haven't grown up or out of their drug induced coma's long enough to mature and become real adults.

I do have to say, that within the past 24 hours, I had three different guys, who know me well enough for it to mean something say...

"Do you know how incredibly sexy you are?"
"You are really beautiful, do you know that?"
"You're really cute."

So I guess I am kind of on fire right now or something.

5 Year High School Reunion

2009-08-01T07:00:00.000-07:00

Thursday night was my 5 year high school reunion. I was dreading it and did not want to go alone. So luckily Lauren came with me. It was held at SideBar in Union Square. There was to be open bar from 8-9 and free appetizers. Upon entering I saw Erika (who actually owns SideBar with a group of people) and David (a sort of akward wallflower throughout hs). Lauren and I quickly got inebriated and as the people started coming, I found myself increasingly saying 'This is SO weird'. Basically all you did with everyone was walk about what your status is now. This is how it went down with everyone.

Them: Nicole Andersen!
ME: HEY ____ ______!
Them: You look great!
ME: So do you!
Them: What are you doing these days?
ME: I am an adjunct professor of sociology/am in a band/make videos for a non profit org. You?
Them: Blablablabla
Me: Cool! Bye!

Lol you can imagine how boring that gets. But it most certainly is fun to toot my own horn. Anyway, I reunited with Brian, this guy who was kind of a trouble maker in HS, who got kicked out/sent to boarding school halfway through. He brought a friend, Morgan and the four of us had a great time talking and we all went back to my apt to hang out after. We all had a really good time. The next day, I had proposed that we all go to the beach but it was really gross out. So I went to Morgan and Brian's and we watched movies all day. They have a ton of pets at their house. A dog, 2 cats, a ferret, a sugar glider, a lizard of some sort, a guinea pig... I brought lulu over later on in the day and she got to play with the dog and the ferret. It was really cute.

Later on, we went in Brian's parent's pool. He has a fucking tennis court in the back yard of the house he grew up in. Our astrological stuff is really similar. It's weird but comfortable. I know, I need to watch out for those gemini's though.